Hey, baby.
Hey.
We all systems go? Mmm-hmm.
It's our first obstetrician's appointment.
You're excited.
I am. It's very exciting.
I made a checklist. First of all, get you pregnant.
Did that. I remember.
Second of all...
Oh, lucky pants. I'm wearing my lucky pants.
Mmm-hmm. Check.
Third of all,
we still haven't talked about what we're gonna tell your parents.
We're gonna be gone in the middle of the day for four hours, so...
I thought about that, and I figured that we could tell them
we are going to Paris.
You know, for crepes.
Honey, they're gonna be suspicious. I know these people.
I kind of do, too. And calm down.
This is why I wanted to make this appointment before we came out here.
Yeah, well, Dr. Royce is the most popular ob-gyn in the city.
Okay, it was either today, or it was the first week in May.
And you know what we have then is...
(WHISPERS)... a baby.
God, this would've been a lot easier if
we'd already told your parents you're pregnant.
Hey, why don't we just do that?
You know, I still think they might not be
in the right frame of mind to hear it.
(MELANIE EXCLAIMING) Oh, God!
(EXCLAIMING)
Dick! Dick! Oh!
Honey!
ANGELA: I can't lift it. It's too heavy. MELANIE: It's okay.
MELANIE: No one can hear us. Now take me!
But, see, things are different now.
I'm wearing my lucky pants.
Well, your lucky fly is unzipped.
Hey, what's going on?
Just want to have a perfect cup of coffee
waiting for my favorite son-in-law.
Chad's flight just arrived at Dulles.
Thank God.
Well, that's so nice. You're really excited to see him?
Yes, I am.
Me, too.
Actually, I meant you. Well, it's been three weeks.
Our bodies just aren't designed to be apart that long.
Gross. You're just jealous.
David, you did not have to get Chad a present. That was so sweet.
You know, it's the least that I could do.
You know, he sent my clinic all this medical equipment and lollipops for the kids.
They called them lollichads.
Lollichads, that's cute. Kind of obvious, but...
They're starving, so...
Hey, Mom, what smells so good?
Blueberry walnut scones.
They're Chad's favorite.
Please let them be ready on time.
Yum, I can't wait to have one, Ange.
Yeah, we'll see.
(BARKING)
No, we're not going for a walk right now, Texaco.
Too much to do before Chad gets here.
Dick, if you're busy, I'm happy to take Texaco for a walk.
Sam's great with dogs.
Yeah, I grew up with dogs.
Shepherds? Yorkies.
Forget it.
But honey, honey, the dog's gonna be crazy
all morning if he doesn't go for a walk.
Really not that much trouble.
All right, fine. Really?
The leash is on the doorknob.
(SOFTLY) Yes.
Hey, buddy.
Ready to do this, you and me?
Doggy-style.
Good boy. Look at you and I.
Look at that.
Texaco, a rabbit.
(DOG BARKING)
(EXCLAIMING)
Okay, Texaco, Texaco! Texaco, halt!
Heel, Texaco! Texaco, heel!
Heel! Texaco, you're gonna heel!
(GRUNTS)
Sam? Where's Texaco?
It's okay. He saw a rabbit,
I tell you, and he just took off.
What do you mean, "took off"?
It's okay, I'm gonna get in my car and find him.
No, you've done enough. I'll handle this.
Please, Dick, it's like his hunting instincts took over.
It was actually kind of interesting to watch.
(DOG BARKING) Anybody lose a dog?
ANGELA: Oh! Chad!
Thank goodness. It's so good to see you.
CHAD: Poor little puppy.
(BARKING ANGRILY)
DICK: Texaco...
Good work, son.
It was nothing. How in the world did he get out?
Sam.
Brother-in-law.
Thank you, David.
You're welcome.
Oh, my God, David.
It's glorious.
DAVID: Everyone in the village wove a section.
They were so grateful.
If it's a little sticky, it's because
one of the kids left a lollichad on it.
(LAUGHS)
(SOFTLY) Come on.
Abigail's down. Good, good, good.
Chad was just about to tell us about his trip to Austria.
If I could just have a moment to kiss my wife.
(SOFTLY) I missed you.
Oh...
You taste like blueberries.
I just want to be with you.
Now, where was I? You were frenching my sister.
Chloe, don't be smart.
So, Chad, Austria.
It was mostly a series of lectures, presentations and symposiums.
But I did manage to steal a few idle moments to walk the city,
and I stumbled upon the most charming little antique shop
in the Alsergrund district near the Schottenring.
Is it schottenring, schott...
As if anyone cares. (LAUGHING) As if.
What? No,
I was just, I was saying that
it's good that you have the details 'cause that's what makes the story good.
Anyway, amidst all the junk in this place, I did manage to find something
I think might interest you, Dick.
Uh-oh.
The mirrors for my truck.
And they're originals.
What they were doing in Austria, I have no idea.
Just found them.
You know, there were a lot of Americans
over there during the post-war reconstruction.
You are like an encyclopedia, Dick.
I mean, where do you fit all that information?
Your head's big, that's been established, but still.
SARAH: You are so bad!
You are only allowed to say that
because your head is even larger.
(ALL LAUGHING)
Guilty as charged.
Touché. These two.
I was thinking, you know, thanks to Chad's early arrival,
why don't we do the family picture today instead of tomorrow?
So everybody beautiful at 5:00.
Okay. Okay.
Side-view mirrors from Algersund?
I know. He's nauseating.
Hey, I was thinking that we could go to Mama Mangi's
before the appointment to get meatball subs.
You have an appointment? What kind of appointment?
It's a hair appointment.
I thought you just had your hair done last week.
I did. It's for Sam.
Yeah, I'm getting my hair cut. Just, you know, for the...
You know, humidity kind of makes my hair go...
(EXCLAIMS) Probably seen it. Yeah.
While he does that, why don't you stay with me?
We can cut vegetables for the crudités.
I'm going with him.
Why? Because,
he gets scared. Scared of what?
The... I don't get. It's... Yeah, the scissors do it.
Yeah, I'm actually kind of scared about the scissors.
We'll be in the garage, working on the truck.
But I was gonna have Chad rake the front lawn.
Hands off. He's mine.
If only there were two of me.
How about Sam over there?
I'm sure that he could rake leaves.
But he's getting his hair done. Cut.
I get my hair cut. Like, a barber does it.
I'd love to rake. Yeah, I can rake. We have a little bit of time.
Problem solved.
Don't worry, Angela. I've been known to be a vicious rakist.
What did you say? Raker.
One who rakes.
I'll get the rake. Where do you have the rake?
The rakes, the bags, they're in the garage.
(TRUCK ENGINE IDLING)
What's up, fellas?
Hey, so how'd you get your gigantic heads in here?
What? No, just 'cause of before.
Never mind. It's just 'cause, 'cause, 'cause of your huge bald head.
'Cause of before.
But, that's good. You guys good here?
I'm gonna grab a... You know where the rakes are?
I'll be right back.
There you are.
I got it. There's a ball down here.
(EXCLAIMS)
Careful. She runs hot.
Yeah, thanks for the heads-up there, buddy.
Don't worry, Dick.
This is exactly why I always carry a Shammy.
There you go.
No harm, no foul. You're all good, buddy.
That's my boy.
I carry a Shammy, too. It's in my car. It's a good one, new one.
All right.
Let's do it.
Okay.
Hey, we need to get going soon.
To the haircut appointment that I'm afraid of?
I panicked. I'm sorry.
Come on.
Okay. My goodness.
I see you're almost finished with the lawn.
Yeah, all done.
Okay, you know, I'll just pick up
the little sticks that you missed.
No, no, I'll get that. I didn't notice those, but...
Mom, is that dress new?
It looks really pretty. Yeah, I got it for the picture.
It's vintage. You like it?
It's really beautiful.
It's really nice. I thought so.
Well, it was between this and a blue A-line...
(EXCLAIMING) I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Oh, my God!
My dress!
Sam, turn it off. I got it.
Okay.
SAM: God!
Mom!
Just stop!
I got it, I got it, I got it.
Angela.
You.
Here, use my Shammy, Angela.
I'm sorry, Angela.
That is exactly why I never leave my Shammy in the car.
Hey. Okay. Your mom still mad?
No, not anymore. Chad took everyone out for new outfits and gelato.
Gelato. I bet he said it with an Italian accent too.
Yeah, and then he sang O Sole Mio, and everyone loved it.
Hey, we're really late. We need to go.
We have to be back by 5:00 for the pictures.
I know. Wait. Uh-oh.
Okay. No, don't say, "Uh-oh."
Where are my keys? What?
I forgot my... Sam.
They're in my other pants. I'll be right back. Okay.
Okay, hurry up. Be right back.
All right, we... I'm gonna check the lawn again.
No, we already checked the lawn. We have to go.
Well, then...
Leave this, we'll call a cab.
No, we don't have time.
Let's take the truck. Your dad's truck?
What? Are you... No, honey.
I love you more than life, but I'm not breathing near that truck.
No, I'll drive, okay. If anything happens, it'll be my fault.
No, you're missing the point.
No, honey, let's think this over. We can carjack somebody.
Wait, honey, there's a tandem bike in there. We'll just tandem it up.
It's fine. It's fine.
Okay, let's do this.
Now what's the third pedal for?
(HORNS HONKING)
Sam.
Don't jar the baby. Don't slow me down.
Hold the elevator. Sorry, it doesn't do that.
It's not one of those.
Honey, five minutes.
It's unprofessional for a doctor's office. I'm sorry.
SAM: Uh-oh.
I'm sorry. I missed my elevator.
(SOFTLY) Of course.
Hi, I'm Melanie Clayton.
I had a 2:00 p.m. Appointment with Dr. Royce.
You're an hour late. Yeah.
It's my, that was me. Lost my keys.
Had a whole, one of those...
See, this is what I need, honey. A big spoon for my keys.
You take a seat. Jeez, okay.
Sweetie, fill these out.
Thank you.
If there's anything you can do, check your computer, whatever
system you guys run to get us in a little
bit earlier, I'd really appreciate it.
Sorry, it doesn't do that.
Okay.
I get it.
We're in big trouble. No, we're still okay.
We have your dad's truck. I am very well aware of that.
(SIGHING)
Melanie Clayton. The doctor'll see you now.
Thank you. Room 401.
Thank you. You're very welcome.
So, we are going to be giving you a transvaginal ultrasound,
take a few measurements, and so forth.
Yeah. Sounds great. Let's do it.
Okay. Let's do it. That's fun.
You know, I have three babies of my own.
Mmm? ROYCE: Yeah.
They're all grown up now, though.
That's okay.
Phillip is valedictorian at his middle school.
Very proud of that. Gracie, she's a bit of a tennis prodigy, you know.
Sweet girl. She's got a wicked serve. Hits that ball.
And, Josh, my oldest...
Well, let's just say that Josh really hasn't found his way.
I should never have bought him that guitar, really.
He plays a music called ska, which is really not my cup of tea.
I'm sorry. Could we just do this already?
Okay, I'm sorry, sorry.
(LAUGHING)
Probably the last thing you want to hear is me drone on
about what we call "the Josh situation."
You know, actually that's a good name for his band.
Oh, my God.
All right, okay, you know what, sorry.
Don't get me started on my kids.
We didn't.
All righty.
Okay.
(HEART BEATING ON MONITOR) There it is. See the strong heartbeat?
That's your little one.
Wow. ROYCE: Mmm-hmm.
That's what I was gonna say.
2.5 centimeters.
That's the perfect size at this gestational age.
Wow.
SAM: What's that 16:21?
SAT score, I hope.
No, that's actually the time. 4:21.
Okay. 4:21.
Honey, we have to be back by 5:00.
Honey, I love you so much, but we have to be back by 5:00.
Wow.
(TIRES SQUEALING)
Move it, or die!
Oh, my God, the haircut. What are you talking about?
My family thinks you're getting a haircut. I got...
Oh!
No way, that's not safe.
I got to. Okay.
Try not to hit any bumps or turn really...
(EXCLAIMS)
What? No, it's fine.
Fixable.
(CAR HORN BLARING)
Crap, Chad's stupid car is blocking the garage.
Freakin' Chad. It doesn't matter.
I'll just park in the back and deal with it later. Your dad will never know.
Okay.
Wait, honey. First... I just want to say
that that ultrasound was the most
amazing thing I've ever seen in my life.
I know. I can't stop thinking about it.
All right, how's the haircut look?
Super cute. Good? Okay.
Okay, let's go, everyone. Out on the lawn.
The sycamore looks perfect. Some trees know how to behave.
There you two are. Come on, hurry up.
Come on, it's picture time.
Dick, I was thinking of a good look for you for the family picture.
If you just...
It's your best side.
(ALL LAUGHING)
You are so bad.
(LAUGHING) Chad.
DICK: Chad.
Melanie, honey, go stand on that side of your father.
Okay, and Sam, Sam, try to get a few for safety's sake.
Oh, okay. That's the...
Mom, what are you doing?
What do you mean?
Sam should be in the picture.
Honey, honey, you know that we never include boyfriends.
Sam, you understand, right?
This is, this is just a family picture. A family picture.
MELANIE: No.
It's okay. Sam is more than a boyfriend.
Okay. It's okay.
No, it's not okay. All right, listen,
we didn't want to do it this way, but
Sam and I, we have some news.
We saw something really amazing today.
We saw our baby's heartbeat.
We're having a baby, and we're getting married.
Oh, my God, Mel. Congratulations.
ANGELA: Why didn't you say something?
Thanks, Mom.
Sweetheart.
You will make the best mom.
And you, welcome to the family. Oh!
Okay, that's enough.
Sorry.
I can still take the photos if you want.
I'll get the tripod.
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
(SIZZLING)
All right, no, I'm good. I know. I'm a journalist.
I'm pretty good with these cameras.
I don't know, I don't know if that's...
Okay, where do you want me?
There's a little space right here.
Really? Okay, setting the timer.
(CAMERA BEEPING)
Here we go. Three, two, one.
(ALL EXCLAIM)
What the hell was that?
We should see if they'll bring 'em over.
(GASPING)
I...
I don't understand.
Who moved my truck?
We shouldn't concentrate on things like that.
We should just... I'll call 911.